I’ve been racking my brain trying to come up with the perfect first blog. It’s kind of symbolic, and the pressure is on- in my head. I had what I thought was a strong first draft a few weeks ago, and I gave it to a friend to read and critique. Her feedback unintentionally delayed my posting for the last 3 weeks. She (very kindly) reported back to me that what I had written was not really “bloggy”, that it was more like an essay, and furthermore, “sorry, but it’s kind of dry…kind of boring”.

…OK…?

All my self-doubts and insecurities gradually came waltzing in. Nice and slowly at first, but boy did they pick up the tempo. What on earth do I think I’m doing? I have no authority in the matter. Who in the world even cares about what I might have to say? I can’t do this. I can’t . I’m not good enough. Look at me, trying to write a blog like everybody else. I don’t know how to do this.

Then it dawned on me. These are the belittling inner conversations that stop us in our tracks the minute we start to inch our way out of our comfort zone and into our light. We begin to measure ourselves against what’s expected, we lose faith in ourselves, in our own abilities, in what we never doubted we could accomplish when we first felt that spark of creative inspiration. We start to compare ourselves to what’s out there, to everyone else, and predictably, everyone else always looks better. “Everyone else” sounds better, knows better. “Everyone else” is doing it better. “Everyone else” is just better.

Better than me.

I may feel confident today when it comes to the way I generally feel about myself, to my looks, my body, to the way I see and experience life, but my friend’s comments were an unwelcome throwback to times of needless insecurity and self-doubt. I started feeling vulnerable, anxious, naked. And, as if on script, I felt completely inadequate.

This hadn’t happened to me in a very long time. It was a painful reminder of how demeaning insecurity and self-doubt can be.   Even now, they slipped right in, under the radar, and plastered anxiety and nerves all over the walls of my mind. Feeling inadequate shrinks you right before your own eyes. It festers, it feeds on itself, it validates itself at every opportunity. It’s such a pity, it’s heartbreaking. Some people go through life in this state, and they counter it by uncomfortably fitting themselves into some imaginary perfect mould, or by remaining stuck in mundane and unfulfilling existences, embellishing themselves or their lives in so many meaningless, or wrong, or misguided ways.

I’m actually grateful for my friend’s brutal honesty, because it provided a review of a lesson I needed to remember as I embark on this project.  Beauty Remastered is about realizing that we are beautiful because of who we genuinely and intrinsically are, and because of what we can uniquely contribute through that. Not because we conform and lose our authenticity. And, also, my friend was right. My initial draft totally lacked juice, it was dry as a dog bone, and it really was boring.  You know why?  I wrote what I thought sounded clever, learned, smart. I wasn’t writing from a place of truth, I was writing from a place of wanting to impress my reader. I wasn’t being me. What’s always, without question, without fail, the best version of ourselves? …Exactly.

I’m going to try to convey my thoughts and intentions simply and honestly.  Right here, right now, I make this promise to you and to myself, that I will not write a single word for the sole purpose of impressing anyone, because this exercise is not about being impressive or perfect! There’s nothing that’s more needed in our world than the audacity to be ourselves, speak our truth, and, whatever that may look or sound like, embracing it despite its so-called imperfections. How I hate that term, “imperfection”.  Imperfection implies that there is such a thing as perfection, and the pursuit of perfection is what kills self-expression, authenticity, spontaneity, simplicity, true elegance, and courage. We need all these ingredients to step into our purpose, to enact change, to feel authentically beautiful, for these are the very things that nourish  creativity, vision, love, hope, healing, and self-actualization. This blog will express what’s in my heart, it will speak from the realest part of me, (is that even a word? How imperfect of me), and it will often be imperfect because that is the essence of our perfect existence.

So, anxiety and self-doubt be damned.   It’s time for us to send them straight to hell.   Let them live out their time in the flames of their own miserable existence, their own little comfort zones.  It’s time for us to reclaim our spot in the light, step into the greatness of  who we actually are.   And by the way, that not only makes us strong, it makes us sooo beautiful.  Being beautiful today means understanding that we have a responsibility to be forces of good in the world.  It means contributing the best of ourselves, our presence and our energy, bravely to it.  The time to be dry or boring is up- let’s go.  We have important work to do,  let’s not hold back.  Oh , and…kind, friendly, and constructive critics, for the invaluable lessons you provide: we love you.

~Roberta xx.